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 Lukas Bondevik//Norway Application [[FINISH]]

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PostSubject: Lukas Bondevik//Norway Application [[FINISH]]   Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:17 am

Character's name: Lukas Bondevik

Country of origin:Norway

Year:4th

Age:15

House:Hufflepuff

Personality: Lukas is quiet and laid-back . He enjoys his quiet and alone time reading books and sight-seeing . He doesn't get to interact with others because he often gets shy and others may think of him as unapproachable but he just doesn't know what to do .

He is afraid to get close with just anyone because he is scared of being left alone by someone he cares about . He tries his hardest to protect his friends and often takes care of them.

When given the chance , he acts friendly and tries his hardest to make as many acquaintance as possible . Though he is usually quiet he isn't a pushover he knows his limits. He is usually on his own world . Just wondering around minding his own business , day dreaming or just in really deep thought.
He often worry too much but when with others he hides it.

[b]Appearance:


Muggle-born, Half-blood, or Pureblood? Pureblood

Strengths:
-Knowledge
-Loyalty
-Care for magical creatures


Weaknesses, phobias, quirks, etc.:
-has a weak body
-dislike close spaces (claustrophobic)
-despite liking to walk alone , he often gets lost.
-Isn't good with words

Your Character's backstory: Lukas came from the pureblood family Bondevik , They always aim high no matter what and is pursuing him to do the same . His father was a workaholic while his mother took care of him. When he was young his mother always reads him books and teaches him basic care for magical creatures. His mother was laid-back , caring and loving . While his father was serious and is often out. They reside on the Bondevik's main residents , that was left for his father and his uncle. He and his mother often stays at the garden or the family library . He doesn't get to go out much due to his weak body .
He and his mother has a close bond and was practically inseparable .He was about 12 years old When his mother went out for a meeting with the family about business , He and His cousin was left alone together though they just sat there while Lukas was reading a book and his cousin was playing . After long hours of wait they saw the car and eagerly waited for their parents arrival . The main door opened and his uncle came in with a expression of grief . His cousin didn't saw it and greeted him and smiled , while Lukas , though no words was exchanged knew there was something wrong . His uncle called for him in his office and said that during the meeting there was a sudden light that appeared making everyone vision-less and when they regained their visions his mother was gone along with others.
It is unknown whether his mother is dead or not.

After his mother's disappearance Lukas became more distant to the others and often locks himself up in his room with the books he and his mother used to read. And he kept taking long walks around their garden just like they did. He kept a locket with their picture when he was still a baby, It is always in his pocket and would hold onto it when he needs guidance or is in a middle of a tough situation a trait that he still does in the present time .

We Just Got A Letter:
He first got a letter from Durmstrang , His family was so proud of him and made him go there before he can really say anything . He excels in defense against the dark arts , he was motivated since he wanted to learn us much as he could so that he could protect his love-ones when the time comes.

When he got the letter from Hogwarts at first his father didn't seem very happy , but with a few talk from the other members of the family they decided to let him go with reasons Lukas himself doesn't know.

The Sorting:
Lukas was escorted by his father in entering the train station. They bid their good byes and entered the train . He was early and choose an empty seat . He sat next to the window and waved one last time to his father . When he was certain that his father left he grabbed his book and started reading , a few minutes pass and the train was nearly full , but luckily no one else had seen his place until one loud guy did who kept on talking with him not sensing the aura and glare Lukas gave . He was suppose to be happily reading his book that was revised from an old book that he and his beloved mother read. But he just closed the book and figured he could at least nod at the loud stranger as he talks.
When they arrived at Hogwarts they were immediately sent to the hall where the welcoming and sorting takes place . Lukas wasn't paying much attention and couldn't even if he tried because he keeps getting a feeling about the place until the newcomers was called one by one for the sorting. He decided to try his best to listen since he doesn't want to get scolded at the first day he arrives .
After a few names being called he was next .
"Lukas Bondevik"

He slowly sat the chair while the sorting hat was placed gently on his head . He must admit that he is slightly nervous not because of the sorting but because of the different aura that he feels . Until the Hat stated,


"Hmm..Good family build , a pureblood , high standards , he could work on Slytherin...What do you think boy ? You think you can handle being a Slytherin? "

He couldn't care less at to where he'll be put at it will all be the same but some people like him will be nice."I guess...but is fine really.."

"Hmm...you sure? but with that ...good mind and vast knowledge...maybe you'll do good as a Ravenclaw"


He looked down at his hands and stared at the ground. "I don't really mind.."


"Though .... with your bravery he can be a Gryffindor--But , in this case , I'll put him in...Hufflepuff!"



ABOUT ME:
Name: Maria
Age: 14 turning 15 this Feb.
Timezone/Country: UTC/GMT +8 hours
Tell us a little about yourself. I like the color blue and green XD
Anything else? English isn't my first language so uhm..if I have mistakes please tell me ^ ^
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Former Canada



Posts : 87
Join date : 2011-05-05
Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: Lukas Bondevik//Norway Application [[FINISH]]   Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:39 pm

I'm sorry for getting back to you so late; this is not my job, but seeing as no one else would do it... There are a few mistakes I'd like you to change in your app. Not big ones, but here they are:

1) It makes it very difficult to read when the whole text for everything from 'name' to 'Personality' are completely bold. Can you edit the coding for that?

2) Your grammar is a little strange. You don't need a space before a full stop or a comma, just like I'm using my punctuation now, could you change that too please?

3) You cannot link your picture directly to zerochan, it breaks the link. If you want to use that picture, save it to your computer or use some other means to host it.

4) You need two more strengths at least, and one more weakness.

5) Could you expand on the "We just got a letter" section? Make it a little more like you're RPing, so that you can express your character's emotions- how he felt when he recieved his first letter (Relief? Indifference? Pride?) and then when he recieved his Hogwarts letter.

6) Can you expand on things in his personality? Like, "He enjoys his quiet and alone time reading books and sight-seeing ." What sort of books, what are his favourite places? "He tries his hardest to protect his friends and often takes care of them." In what ways? When they're sick?

7) A few small errors:

"He couldn't care less at to where he'll be put" becomes "He couldn't care less as to where he was to be put".

"They always aim high no matter what and is pursuing him to do the same ." becomes "They always aimed high no matter what, and are persuading him to do the same."

"He is usually on his own world ." becomes "He is usually in his own world."

"He often worry too much but when with others he hides it. " becomes "He often worries too much, but when with others, he tries to hide it."

".... with your bravery he can be a Gryffindor" becomes "...With your bravery, you can be a Gryffindor"

Because you have a lot to edit, and because we took so long getting back to you, you have five days to fix up your app! Once done, just reply saying you are, so that I can see.
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Former Canada



Posts : 87
Join date : 2011-05-05
Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: Lukas Bondevik//Norway Application [[FINISH]]   Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:33 pm

It has been five days and you have not changed your app accordingly. I'm afraid that I have to move this to the rejected section of the forum.
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